I do like finding the time to write these little snippets of updates, like I have said previously its a good form of therapy for me to put down some words and with them they carry the news, or update, with them which in turn just reduces the pressure and weight on my shoulders that comes with being a musician. The itch to constantly publish content especially in at time where I am creatively not producing much worth talking about - or so I feel is not worth talking about

The genuine scare that's come to my door of recent months is a total loss of meaning which, sounds obscure but its actually and genuinely really been quite terrifying. As an individual who likes to set aside time, work and see results, its certainly been difficult working on my game DLC, commissions of this, that and the other as well as my freelancer position of doing sound engineering jobs to actually arrive at the pathway of prioritization and with that I have felt the question deep inside come to the surface. That question being of course - Do i want to do music anymore?

This time I've certainly leaned towards No more than ever, I don't really play guitar anymore, nore do i really write. The danger of my mentality with the though processes I have is that it quickly spirals from the initial question to quickly thinking, whats the point ? then to, have I wasted my life? etc etc and then the whole car crash of life implodes and you get down to that rock bed of a million thoughts and dreams above your head and your slowly drowned in the noise of it all you cant really grasp onto the right life ring to float you back above keeping on top.

its a crazy trip, highly not recommended

But the thing is, thats not entirely just me though. Having work as a regular sound engineer for a venue not too far from me I speak with musicians weekly, promoters and the odd record label rep here and there and yeah the entire music industry is falling apart quicker than can be reassembled. Spotify is degrading the value of its listens, live music is evaporating and that quickly comes to mind when you are working with the headlining band of much value, local recognition and realize they just work for starbucks or a Just Eat takeaway. Not that I am saying those are bad jobs, but as a form of reality check, these guys have personnel behind them as well as the money and they are no where near as glamorous as they make out to be and actually its more of a motivation boost. Considering they are compositionally not very competant as well.

But what goes around certainly comes around and fortunately for me the other areas of my freelancing work has my brain ticking in full creative mode so I am confident once financial worries stabilize - then so will my mind and music will come back to me as much as it left me. My knight is shinning armor is my partner though, he loves camp over the top music and silly live free suggestions and ideas and he pushes me to break my bubble and because of him dropping ideas on me I have actually (after everything I have just said) been working on music - with a twist.

You see he wants to make bi-monthly music for his streams or occasions or perhaps for the "YOLO" make tunes which hes been able to get me to make my own spin on TV themes or recreate a long lost Gibly TV show theme with vocals and because of him I have been able to stay somewhat stable and find much more sanity than what I would of been able to, than without him - More Love his way hes just adorable in much regards.

So I have been thinking of creative a new theme/serise just exclusive for newgrounds called "By The Boi" which is just all the silly, weird, fun, camp tunes and recreations we've made togeather and hope that not only does it bring joy to people but also in the event it actually just ignites motivation for me to go back to my serious music and maybe help boost my spotify statistics

like as ever, thanks for keeping in touch with my page, the listens, the favs the downloads, the ratings, the comments. it does mean a lot <3

Please spread the word, share my music with anyone, it means the world

thank you

https://open.spotify.com/artist/19DuCuTkNAwm0itq1Fqi5M?si=x5FvO721TWuwAuD6feg5QA